Category Archives: Life
Feeling a little down.. but on the way up.
Since the break up between Amy and I, I have been feeling rather down. Trying to figure out what I did wrong and what I could have done to make us stay together. It was not until recently that I finally came to the conclusion that it was not all my fault. I was not completely to blame for the failure of the relationship. I was moving Amy into something she was not ready for. The problem was that she just never admitted it to herself enough to really let me go and find someone that was ready to be partners for life.
I know there were some things I did wrong, but I have learned from those and now I am able to continue on with my life. I know there is someone out there for me that will treat me as well as I treat them and want to start a family and a life together. I just need to be patient and find them.
I know there are a bunch of changes in my life coming up that both scare the hell and exhilarate me both at the same time. I know joining the Canadian Forces is what I need to do, but it is such a change in my life and I really hope that I am ready for it. I believe that I am officer material as most of my life has been spent being in command one way or another and now with my new body, I think I just need to find my lost self confidence and then I will be fine.
Living alone and working at a job where my talents are put to waste make my life hard to digest right now, but knowing that around the corner, there is something better for me is what is keeping me going. Also talking to old friends and old girlfriends has been another thing that keeps me going.
I always doubt myself and the person I am and was. But talking to them and having them tell me that I am one of their better memories really makes me smile and know that I am a good person deep down inside. I make some mistakes, but hey, I’m human and no one is perfect. No matter how much I try.
RMC/Civ U update
Right now I am in a holding pattern while the NHQ reviews my medical files to see if I am an acceptable candidate for pilot and to see if I am an acceptable candidate to be a member of the Canadian Forces. If they deem me acceptable for both, I go to Trenton to do some more testing. A weeks worth of testing to be exact. I don’t quite now what I will be doing in Trenton, but if I get past the one week and am part of the 50% that pass I go onto more testing in Toronto to see if I am eligible to become a pilot in the Canadian Forces. If at any point I fail the testing at Trenton, at Toronto, or I am deemed unsuitable to be a pilot, then I just have to go back to the Recruiters and change my desired careers.
At this point, if my primary choice was MARS officer, I would have to wait until the RMC council meets in January to see if they will accept me to RMC or to a Civ U. But since I applied as a pilot, I have to go through some more testing. I love testing. 
I am hopeful that I can get through the testing in Trenton and Toronto without to much of an issue so I can pursuit my dreams to be a Tactical/Maritime Helicopter Pilot or a Transport Pilot. I am going to give it my all in hopes that things will work out.
I have also made some small changes to my application as I have had some time to think about things. At first I applied to have Civ U as my primary choice, but I now know that what I really want is to attend RMC. The friendship and discipline that I would gain from the experience would be life changing. I know that I will be at least 4 to 5 years older then most Officer Cadets, but I am OK with that. I know that we are all there for the same reason.
I have not heard anything from the people I put down as a reference for a background check, so I don’t think it has gotten to that level yet. I am hopeful to hear something soon as I really need a change in my life. This position I am in is just sucking the life out of me.
Birthday/Christmas/Wish list – Updated
I do this almost every year and I figured that since my Birthday is almost a month away and Christmas is less than three months away, I would make my list now. So here it is:
Over $100:
Amazon Kindle 3
Canon T1i w/ 18-55mm IS “kit” lens
Canon EF 75-300mm F4.0-5.6 USM Lens
Canon Speedlite 270EX Flash
Canon EF-S 18-135mm F3.5-5.6 IS Lens
Canon EF-S 60mm f/2.8 USM Macro Lens
Lowepro Fastpack 250 Canadian Flag Black
Kata 3-in-1 20 Sling Backpack/DSLR&Lens
Sharp AQUOS Quattron 46″ 1080p 120Hz LED HDTV (LC46LE810UN)
Acer S243HL Bmii 24IN Ultraslim Widescreen LCD Monitor
Cigars (Any type)
Espresso Machine
M*A*S*H DVD set
Car (New or used)
Bolt-action rifle
Time Machine (Yes I know they don’t exist, but damnit I want one!)
Flight Time on a Cessna 172 (Dual hours for refresher)Under $100:
Hoya 58mm PRO-1D CPOL DMC Filter
Tiffen 58mm Circular Polarizer
Henry’s HM10 Monopod w/Ballhead
Canon ET-60 Hood for 75-300mm
Canon EW-60C Hood for 28-80/18-55/28-90mm
Sandisk All-in-One Reader/Writer USB 2.0
Canon RS-60E3 Remote cord
Espresso Machine
Creative Fatal1ty Gaming Headset
Watches (Preferable metal, silver colour band)
PNY 8GB SDHC Class 10 Memory Card
External Hard drive
Nike + iPod Sport Kit
French Press (For Coffee)
Green Lantern Belt BuckleGames:
Dragon Age: Origins (PC or 360)
Fallout New Vegas (PC or 360)
Final Fantasy XIII (360)Gift Cards:
Old Navy
Danier Leather
Moore’s
Tip Top Tailors
Best Buy/Future Shop
If I think of anything else, I will make sure to post it as soon as I can.
Military application process
So as most of my family and close friends know, I am applying to be an officer with the Canadian Forces. I have been dreaming of doing so for a number of years, but my weight has been an issue with me applying. I knew there was no way I would be in good enough shape to even pass the initial physical least of all basic training. So since I have over come the weight issue, there is nothing holding me back from pursuing my dreams and becoming an officer.
Today I went to the local recruiters office and picked up a Regular Officer Training Plan (ROTP) application package and have been filling it out since about about 2pm today. I have also been doing some reading and other things in the middle as to not get too overwhelmed with it all. But I must admit, I hate writing the same thing out three times.
So far I have managed to fill out most of the forums, trying to remember where I have live and worked for the past 5 or 10 years and trying to find 5 people that have known me for at least 5 years that are not family is hard since I have moved so often. I think I have the 5 people, but I still need to contact them to make sure that they are willing to be a reference for me.
I’m hoping to get all the forms done and handed in by the end of next week so I can start the application process early just in case. They do say the sooner I get my application forms in, the sooner I can take the aptitude test and if I fail it, I have to wait 90 days to take it again. I took the practice test they sent home with me and I made two mistakes that were because I was rushing and two other mistakes because I got confused by the wording but I was able to figure out afterwards once I knew the answer. So 4 wrong out of 19 is not bad, but not good either. I really want to get at least a 90% or higher to make sure I am going to be well qualified to be a candidate for the ROTP.
Right now I am emailing my uncle, who is a Lt.Col in the Signals branch of the Army with my response to why I want to go to my first choice of institutions. I am really hoping to get some good feed back from him as I feel there is something missing or that I might not be on the right path with my answer.
I really hope that this all works out for me because I have finally realized that I want to wake up every morning and wear a uniform that I makes me proud to be a Canadian and know that I am doing something important with my life.
Making some changes in my life
So, there have been many things going on in my life right now and I have not really had the passion to write about it. My relationship with Amy Fox has come to an end and sadly the circumstances that lead up to the break-up were not good at all. There was a lack of trust on both sides and it just fell apart from there. I have been having a hard time adjusting to being single again but I know that given time I will be a better person and be able to walk away stronger and with the knowledge that I will some day find someone that loves me as much I love them.
Also work has not been going as well as I would like I feel like I am at a dead stop and not able to move anywhere. I have still be applying to jobs on the market, but I have yet to get a call back from any potential employers. So I am thinking that if this keeps up over the next couple of months, I might end up going back to school and moving out of Kingston as there just are not the tech jobs like in Toronto or Ottawa. I’m even thinking that I might not even stay in Ontario and go where the jobs are. Now that I am single, nothing is holding me to a particular place. I have also been flirting with joining the Military as an Officer but right now I am in a holding pattern as I have to wait until September before I can start applying to Civilian Universities and to the Regular Officer Training Program (ROTP) to see if I would be eligible.
Work seems to be getting the best of me. It is draining, even though I don’t do a lot and working shift work is just not for me. The constant switching from 12 hour day shifts to 12 hour night shifts just does not work with my body. Some people are cut out for it, but I am not sure I am. Well, not in this position anyway. I have been getting out and about Kingston more as I no longer have a desire to sit at home and watch TV or play on my computer for long periods of time. I have taken up biking and I am really enjoying it. It allows me to get around town in a decent time and with all the hills in Kingston, gives me one hell of a good work out. If it was not for the winter months, I think I would have no need to buy a car.
I’m really hoping that I can get out of this funk in my life and go meet new people. Start doing the things that I enjoy and try to ignore all the shit that is going on in my life. I really need to start enjoying life and what it has to offer.
Choices
Life is full of choices. It’s the wrong ones you make when you are young that you will live to regret!
New lease on life
So I have been working at Empire Life for 3 months now and I am no longer on probation. I can now take full advantage of the benefits and the sick time if I need them. I doubt I will since I get a week off every 5 weeks. I am still no working alone, but I kind of dread doing it. It’s not that I am under trained or anything, I just fear messing something up or missing something when I work my over night shifts.
Short of that though, life is going really well. I have been trying to get out of my apartment more and been trying to pry myself away from sitting infront of the computer as much as I do. I want to get into golfing and into shooting for sport, aka Target practice. I am also working on some other ventures that would help me get back into flying again as well as doing some things around the house to make life a little more enjoyable.
Today for instance I went to Home Depot with my Grandmother and ended up getting two large totes and filled them with soil so I can start a garden on my balcony. I don’t too many plants in them right now as it is still the very beginning of spring and there is still the occasional frost warning. But I’m hoping that in about a month or so I can get my hands on some baby veggie plants and grow them. Hopefully this summer will be better then the last!
